Good news: You can finally put this unpleasant topic to rest. Bad news: You’ll have to quickly grow up and—surprise!—let go of some of your stereotypical expectations.

Don’t expect your mom to understand everything.
When a baby is very small, a mother really has to figure out a lot: is the baby cold or hungry, is he interested or tired? But as a person grows, their desires become more complex, and a mother has fewer obligations. After all, a mother is also a person with her own views and limitations, her own life position, which may not align with yours. That’s life.

You can argue your views, but don’t get caught up in endless debates! It’s pointless: if your mom disagrees with your reasoning, it’s unlikely you’ll convince her. Fortunately, even in this case, not all is lost.

Become independent.
Normally, as people age, they become more independent—but, as you know, sometimes age comes alone. If you can’t provide for your basic needs, including housing and food, the hope that your arguments will be heard rapidly diminishes. The silly phrase, “Whoever feeds the girl dances with her,” is, in a way, a sad truth of life: if your mom is feeding you dinner, she might well feel entitled to manage your life as a whole.

So, first, ensure you have financial stability. A clear demonstration that you are confidently standing on your own feet and are satisfied with your life will help convince your mom through actions, not words.

If she sees that you are happy without her advice, this will significantly reduce her need to advise you. It might not eliminate it entirely, but it will definitely decrease!

But what if you’ve been successful and independent for a long time, have lectured your mom about your views on marriage, yet her questions never cease?

Use the algorithm.
Unlike countless casual acquaintances, it’s entirely possible to train a single mother to stop asking uncomfortable questions. I swear. For this purpose, it’s enough to follow a simple step-by-step guide without deviations.

1. Make sure you have rid yourself of your stereotypical expectations and material dependence on your parents. Otherwise, the method won’t work and may even worsen your relationship.
2. Explain your views on marriage once. Prepare thoroughly, bringing all possible arguments, charts, statistics, and graphs if necessary. Everything you think will be effective.
3. After you’ve expressed your thoughts, warn her that you don’t want to discuss this topic anymore and ask her not to bring it up again.
4. From this moment on, whenever your mom tries to find out when you will get married again, you should respond with the single phrase: “I will not discuss these matters.” Don’t get angry, don’t engage in debates, and don’t explain anything further. Just politely decline to discuss it.
5. After that, simply steer the conversation to another topic. Ask how work is going, how the family cat Sava is doing, or about the neighbor, Maria Ivanovna.
6. If your mom doesn’t support the conversation and returns to the topic of marriage, repeat the phrase: “I will not discuss these matters,” and say goodbye. Cut off the communication. If you were talking on the phone, hang up. If you were visiting, leave politely, calmly, but confidently.
7. The next time you reach out to your mom, do so on your own initiative. If you usually call her once a week, for example, call her in three days instead. Start the conversation about work, the cat, or neighbor Maria Ivanovna.
8. If your mom brings up marriage again, return to step 4.

In rough psychological terms, this algorithm is called “removing positive reinforcement from unwanted behavior.” That is, by engaging in debates and arguments, you still support the discussion of this painful topic. Stop doing that. If your mom isn’t switching topics yet, cut off communication.

But it’s very important to make it clear that you are still around; you just don’t want to talk about family and marriage. That’s why it’s necessary to reach out a bit earlier next time, clearly demonstrating goodwill: yes, I want to communicate. Just about something else, that’s all.

The most capable of parents usually require just one or two repetitions. On average, it takes three to five. In the most stubborn cases, you might have to go through this algorithm about ten times. But if you remain calm, polite, and firm, the result will not be long in coming.

Of course, this algorithm doesn’t guarantee that your mom will understand everything. But it will allow you to live peacefully, without getting involved in discussions of uncomfortable questions, while still maintaining a reasonably good relationship.

After all, your personal life should be a source of pleasure, not trauma and fear. I hope it always is!